Mummy or Me

A year ago i embarked on the biggest journey of my life by becoming a mother. When you are pregnant it is all you hear but it has been the single most life changing & eye-opening experience of my life. I never knew pure love until i first saw my daughter on the hospital scan & i am not ashamed to admit that i cried. Tears of pure joy. There she was, waiting for me to help her grow, to love her, to be her mother.

In the first few months we had a lot of friends who wanted to share their love and congratulations and so many that wanted to meet our LilBabyBlu. It was amazing and i can honestly say i have never felt so loved and appreciated. I am so grateful for that support and well wishes that were given to us. I gave me hope for the future, knowing that i had so many people around.

A year on, we are still very loved and supported by our friends & i really make the most of it. Especially after losing my best friend Gemma 2 years ago to cancer. As the time has gone by however i have noticed that slowly my invites out to social events, lunches, meals etc.. have declined. Any new mum will tell you that when you have anew born your time is limited and it is hard to get out at night, mostly because of feeding issues or your own stamina  but although you turn down the invites you are till very grateful for being thought of. Once BabyBlu turned 1 however i was very much feeling myself again & most certainly started to crave adult company. Sadly though finances being low ment i had to pick and choose but i still went to the things i could.

This was December time & so by January i was determined to get back some of the things i gave up, the things that make me, feel like me! My new years resolution was to reconnect and stay connected. Each day i would message a friend i had not spoken to in a while and to see how they were doing, not because i wanted something but because i wanted them to know they are still important. I have been keeping this up & it has been wonderful catching up with everyone.  But there is still a decline in my social life. Don’t get me wrong i do still see a lot of my good friends and i love them all but they are only ‘family friendly’ invites. Lunches, Play Dates, Coffee Catch up’s.  Prior to becoming a mummy i was very much a social butterfly. I attended shows, classes, parties, meals, social evening events, galas.. you name it i was there. I love to perform and i would always being doing something on stage & socializing after rehearsals. A million miles away from where i find myself now. Sat on a Friday & Saturday evening watching talent shows & seeing my friends adventures on social media while my daughter sleeps in her cot.

What i am getting at is simply, to ask to not be written off because i have a child. Yes, there will be times i can not get a baby sitter or when BabyBlu is sick. There are times when i can not afford to get you an amazing gift for your birthday because i simply do not have the money but i will do my best to let you know i am thinking of you. There are days i can not reply to your texts or pick up your calls because i am up to my eyeball in nappy changes or housework but i will get back to you. I am the busiest i have ever been in my life. My day can start between 3am-7am (never later)and i won’t get to rest until 6 0r 7pm at night but even then i am cooking dinner and hanging washing. I do not get annual leave, weekends off or sick days & my level of responsibility is the highest and most scary it has ever been.And although I may have the weight of the world on my shoulders, i am loving my life. You see this is not a complaint but just the chance to request some understanding for us mummy’s & Daddy’s. Please don’t forget us. Please keep asking us, even if we have canceled the last X number of times. You see it means the world to be thought of, to have that spark of the life we used to lead. Just to be remembered makes us feel like us. When you have put a hold on your hobbies or many of life’s pleasures that once helped you relax you need it. For some of us it is all we have to keep that little spark of us alive.

I do worry that one day when my daughter is grown & ready to find her way in the world. That all i will know is how to be a mother because i lost that sense of me. I worry that sitting a home of an evening, every evening will become habit and that i won’t even bat an eyelid to the fact i have not been included in a group activity again. I worry that the people i care about will forget me & will spend my time chasing my daughter for some attention instead of letting her fly and live her dreams to the full. So, dear friends. Please don’t forget us. Please understand our situation and please above anything be kind and keep us in your hearts not just your memories.

LilBlu x

 

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